This last few weeks I've been dealing with a lot of emotions lately that are flying through the air... With trying to figure out if my depression is completely gone or if it will ever completely be gone.
There at times that I still get really tired and I get really sad and I start crying and I don't even really know why at times. Then it reminds me of my beginning of my Postpartum Depression when I was trying to figure why I didn't know why I was feeling the way I was. And, so many more things that at times I am completely ashamed of admitting because I feel like others will look at me like what in the world, is your deal!!!
I love being a stay home mom and at times I wish I could do more for my family because they are more then I had ever ask god for so I cry because I'm so lucky to have such an amazing loving, husband and two beautiful smart healthy kids.
So is it my Depression I ask myself or is it me just being overwhelmed with so much going on. To be honest at times I just wish I didn't have to take medicine anymore but will that really make me happy and those around me would that be worth it.
All my life from the moment that I remember I have being a very outspoken person that likes to speak out her mind and not keep anything inside. At times I think it might not be such a great thing but again its better to be truthful...RIGHT?? So what I'm going to say next is hopefully going to help someone out there because what this blogger wrote definitely helped me...
Last week as I came upon this amazing blog Little Miss Momma at a very late time at night that I wasn't feeling to happy... I was reading about a confession this blogger had made on her blog about having something called Trich (something I had never heard about before, but I could feel her pain)then I went on to research more about it and I came upon this website about Trichotillomania and CSP. Well as I read I started crying because for so long I didn't know why I was doing what I was doing and that's when I realized I have "Chronic Skin Picking".
Yes, I pick my skin and I do it because I think by me picking at a scar or a pimple or something in my body I'm making it perfect.
I pick my skin when I don't even know I'm doing it at a time of stress or because no reason.
I consider myself a very happy normal person and others might think is she crazy by doing that... Their is no one I can blame but myself because I know its not good but I still do it.
That's why I write in my blog and I have decided to dedicate myself to writing about things that I experience, things I've learned about and things I love!!! That's why I love rainbows they are bright and beautiful but first has to come rain...
I found a perfect picture, couldn't had set it better
So thank you for reading this.
I love myself, I know I'm beautiful and that my body is a temple and I love everything about my life. Of course at times I feel like things could be more perfect but again that is my over compulsive self side that kicks in.
But I do want to be a better mother and wife and friend to those around me and a good example especially for my kids to know that their mommy is trying to over come something that is not good.
Thank you Ashley for sharing your story!!! I know that for some amazing reason god wanted me to read your blog that night!!! I know this are trials in life that I'm suppose to overcome to fulfill my journey in this wold.
So Beautiful Dreamy Readers out there,
don't be scared to get help or share with me your story.
