For the last 10 years I couldn't wait to go back to work one day, I loved been a Stay Home Mom, took my title very proudly and was truly lucky to not have to worry about leaving my kids with a complete stranger to watch over them and enjoy their little milestones. I was blessed to be there for them and to know that if they ever needed me I was right there for them.
I got offered a part time job and loved it very much, but after the 2nd week I realized that I had spend the last 10 years complaining about getting a job and not to much time preparing myself in productive way, balancing my home life. I went from been a super over compulsive person to been a very laid back person at home and to my disadvantage that didn't help that much when it was time to go back to work. I guess you can say I took my mother in laws advice that she gave me 10 years ago, that she had received from her mother in law a little to far. When my oldest was just a baby she came to my house and saw me cleaning all the time, I wanted to be the perfect pretty little wife, with a clean home with a toddler. One day in one of our many visits, she noticed I was feeling stressed because I had been cleaning all day. She looked at me and said "Honey, your house can wait but Drake will only be little once, it's better to have a messy home then to have a grouchy mommy" I took her advice and tried little by little to try to live by that rule... but somehow I translated that advice through out the years to " Good Moms, have sticky floors, messy kitchens, laundry piles, dirty ovens & happy kids" yep... now I dislike that quote.
I had a complete new appreciation for full time moms, single working moms. By the 3rd week of working I was crying in my lunch breaks in my car, because I felt like I was so behind on things at home. I barely was home and with dance, baseball and skate competitions the weekends were out of the questions to catching up on work at home. I felt guilty talking to anyone about it, after all this is what I had wanted for so long and now that I was working I was wishing I was home been productive doing things to better my home. I felt that I had taken everything I ever had for granted for so long and now it was to late to go back.
Thankfully I have a husband that tries to listen to my feelings the best he can and friends and family that actually listen instead of judging me. I was so excited for the last day of work, it almost felt like the last day of school... Silly, I know. I'm so grateful for the experience I had to realized all the things that I could work on to better my life. It was definitely an eye opener and now I see my home in such a different way, I hope that when I do go back to work in the fall it will be a better experience, a positive one. I'm learning to balance my life and I don't think I will ever stop learning how to do so, but that's ok. I'll take it one day at a time and Appreciate and be grateful for what I have in front of me.
